Love Is A Losing Game.

Today was eventful. But not in the sense that I had a lot to do today. I didn't. I sat at the dining room table with my aunt most of the day, finding out family secrets. Which were completely juicy/hilarious. But then I went to my friend's house. Chilled out. Saw some old faces, some new faces. I just happened to check my myspace when I got home. I had a message. I thought it would be from this guy that was trying to talk to me. Thats what I get for thinking. It was from my ex-boyfriend. It sparked a very short conversation. He was apologizing and saying that he missed me and felt bad for what he said to me, that he didn't want any bad blood between us. I didn't accept the apology. I feel as though the things that were said were just unforgivable. I guess he's just going to have to live with the fact that he lost me. Because me forgiving him would be like cashing his metaphorical emotional check. And I just can't bring myself to do it. So even though he lost me and the chance for us to even be friends, did he really lose? Or did I lose because I'm not being the bigger person and accepting the apology? Mind boggling, this love stuff. I really did love him. Even though I cringe at the thought of it now, at one point, I saw myself having kids with this person. And all of that got thrown away. With a few simple words, my whole outlook on life, him as a person, myself as a person, and my life goals changed. All of that. Funny how random shit like this happens and you don't know who's right and who's wrong. Really funny, actually.