Nicaragua

Choosing nobody and moving to Nicaragua sounds lovely. Its better than dealing with liars that want to rip my heart out and throw it on the floor and then two step on it. Both guys turned out to be a bust. ONCE AGAIN. I'm tired. Why do men do things like this?

I Spoke Too Soon.

I'm stuck between two guys. The same damn ones. I have no idea what the hell I want anymore. Maybe I'll choose nobody and move to Nicaragua. That sounds fun.

Nice Going, Raven,

I'm such a mess. But what the hell else is new? When am I not. I just read every single post from this blog. I think the problem I'm having with myself now is that I don't write anymore.I don't know if I'm coming or going because I haven't been writing down what the hell I'm doing. How stupid of me. Anyway, the "Situation" has been kicked to the curb, along with everyone else I've possibly had an encounter with over the years. But him especially. He made me step outside of my comfort zone and act like I had no sense on more than one occasion, so he HAD TO GO. I didn't like what I was becoming. I'm talking to one person. The same ex. As always. He's been forgiven for the other crap. I don't know for how long though. It's only a matter of time before I'm ready to start acting ugly. It always is. I need to start writing everyday. My memory is bad and I don't want to make the same steps twice. I wonder if Heather is still sleep on my couch....? I'm going to go check. Au Revoir.

Resolutions

1. Manage money better
2. Don't allow myself to get into anymore "situations"
3. Pay more attention to my younger siblings.
4. Spoil myself. Often.
5. Make sure the ones I love KNOW that they're loved.

2010 was a MESS. From friendships to relationships, school to work, it's been an absolute doozy. But, I came out unscathed, just a little heartbroken, and ready to move into the next year. 21 is going to be a great one. I can feel it in my bones (:

. . . heartfelt?

" You know a nigga love and care about you. A lot. I got shit of yours that you don't even know I have. Just so I can be close to you. In perfect condition too. I've never been like this with any female before. I don't even tell my mom "I love you" every second like that, so you can't expect me to do that for my girl. But just 'cause I don't say it everyday doesn't mean that's not how I feel. And you know I mean it. Ask anybody if they ever caught me saying I loved any girl at this school...They haven't. I wouldn't just say some shit like that to you and not mean it. And that's on God and everything I love."


- The Situation

Well, shit. . .

Last week was possibly the longest week of my life. So much work, school, and school and work. And then relationship and friendship issues to top it off. As far as friends, I need a break from everyone. A vacation. I don't love them any less, I'm just always around them. In regards to love, "what he won't do. .. 20 other men will." I don't really feel like that at the moment, but its what I keep telling myself. . There's a strong possibility that I may never get exactly what I want from him. And I'm starting to come to terms with that.Things are getting real. I can't be the happy-go-lucky, friendly, sheltered girl from Los Angeles anymore. No matter how much I want to.

Business as Usual.

I need to vent. I want to share my true feelings but I'm scared. This sucks. Hard. I need some reassurance.