Situations. . .

I keep getting myself into them. They aren't just everyday, run of the mill situations. They're relationships. Sort of. They start on the path to becoming relationships, then they end up becoming "situations". I'm choosing to remove myself from my 4 year "situation" and my 8 month "situation". Not because I don't care about them anymore. I do. However, they treat me WRONG. Like, I'm at the point where I want to send them both mass hate letters in the mail. Its gotten that bad. Granted, I find out some of the information I have by being nosy, but that's neither here nor there. They are still wrong. It doesn't matter that I allow myself to be put in these predicaments. What matters is that I'm not being treated right. I give. I gave. A lot. Only to be pushed back to square one. If there's one thing I HATE, its being strung along. I hate being lied to. Its infuriating. I'm livid. What can possibly be so hard about telling me that I'm not going to get what I want? What kills me the most is that there are other guys, sweet guys. Guys that are willing to give me the world if that is what I so desire. but that's not what I want. I want these "situations". Maybe I subconsciously like the drama and the concept of "what if's". I like to think that I don't but. . .

. . . Didn't I ?

. . .So to say I've had a BUNCH on my mind lately is a complete understatement. For one, I need like 6 jobs. For two, there's "the situation". For three, I think I need a change of pace. I just feel like I'm doing too much. And I'm realizing now that I've been doing too much, and for the wrong reasons. Dumb. As far as "the situation" is concerned.......ughhhhhh. That's just how he makes me feel. I don't love him. But, I was getting there. And then we just came to an abrupt halt. Irritating. Sometimes, I just wish I could go back..Like, maybe I missed something. Or maybe, I just didn't pay enough attention. Or maybe I got out of control and he noticed it before I did. I have no clue. I just know I need to chill. And I also know that I wish he would call. I'm rambling. Maybe I'll make more sense tomorrow.