Drowning in. . .

So much is going on, yet nothing is going on. My family is a wreck. Within one week my great uncle Norm and my Grandmother have passed away. I feel really bad because I've been very short with people, kind of pushing them away. But I'm just irritated with everyone. I'm sick. I haven't had real food since Saturday. And I've been having trouble sleeping. I'm just unhappy in general at the moment. And I know the death of my grandmother hasn't hit me yet. I know it sounds crazy but she was someone I expected to live forever. She helped raise me. Helped me to become the woman that I am. She's not going to get to see me go down the aisle, see my kids, anything. Its rough. On top of that, I'm having the 19 year olds equivalent to a mid life crisis. I have so many goals I want to reach by the time I'm 25.... but I feel like I'm at a standstill. The future scares me because I don't see how I'm going to get everything done. I'm in college, I work, I'm starting my own business, but I still don't feel like its enough. I guess maybe if I didn't have so many people around me prompting these goals, they wouldn't be so intense. But I do, so I'm worried about how I'm going to end up and how things are going to pan out. Although I've tried to be chill and not worry about anything, I can't. I'm not that type of person. I'm drowning in my attempted nanchalant attitude. I need a metaphorical life jacket.